Dad and Mom’s Safety Plan for Daughter 1, Daughter 2 and Daughter 3
Goals:
- Dad and Mom take pride in their ability to put their children first by cooperating with each other, even during times when they’re hurt or upset by the other, and they’ll immediately start demonstrating to the agency that they’ll be able to do this all the time once the girls are home. They’ll always act as if the girls are watching.
- Dad and Mom will each tolerate the other’s different point of view about anything and everything. They will only talk about their differences when the in-home therapist is there helping them figure out ways to solve their differences.
Rules:
- Whenever Dad or Mom realize they’re raising their voice, calling the other names, or even giving the other a look of disbelief, they’ll go to separate rooms until they’re both calm enough to let it go until the in-home therapist comes.
- Dad will busy himself with a project – writing something, building something, fixing something, cooking something, etc.
- Mom will write in her journal.
- Unless the in-home therapist is present, Mom and Dad will not talk about their differences.
- They’ll both write down their thoughts and feelings in their communication journal.
- They’ll describe as clearly as they can the things that trigger them to feel hurt, upset, or angry.
- They’ll read and reflect about what the other writes.
- They’ll look for the areas of common understanding and agreement.
- Whenever Grandma or any other safety network member notices that either Dad or Mom are visibly upset with each other they’ll step in to suggest that Mom and Dad go to separate rooms, or they’ll distract one of them by asking for help with something in a different area in the house.
- Grandma and other safety network members will always stay neutral and just follow the rules of the safety plan.
- When Mom feels a need to vent, she’ll call her sister Linda.
- Linda will have a copy of the safety plan and will understand that her role is to be supportive while helping Mom calm down enough that she can successfully follow the safety plan.
- Whenever Dad feels a need to vent, he’ll call his mom or Mom’s sister Linda.
- Dad’ mom will also have a copy of the safety plan and will know that her role is to be supportive and help Dad calm down enough to successfully follow the rules of the safety plan.
- Dad will continue drinking only non-intoxicating beverages.
- Dad and Mom will sign up for DBT skills training at the local Mental Health Center.
- Mom and Dad will sign permission for the school to call Grandma, if the school has already called Dad and Mom and still need something or are still worried.
- Grandma will help Mom and Dad do what they can to satisfy the school. If necessary, she’ll call the safety team together to get more help finding a solution.
- Mom, Dad and Grandma will use visit time to help each girl get a safety object, decide where the object will be kept and where it will be put to show everyone any time that child isn’t feeling safe.
- If Grandma or any other safety team member (including Dad and Mom) realizes that the rules aren’t being followed or that disagreement is continuing through words or body language, that person will contact the social worker. The social worker will bring the safety team together as soon as possible to find ways to improve the safety plan.
Visits:
Starting Monday, February 6, Grandma will supervise the visits. Mom and/or Dad and Grandma will pick the girls up from school on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s and drop them off at the foster home by 6:00 PM every time. They will also pick the girls up for church on Sunday and drop them off after church.
Grandma must be present during all transports and visits and must report to the social worker after each visit so she’s completely in the loop about how the visits are going and with how the safety plan is working.
Assignment:
- Dad and Mom will make good use of the short the time they have before the girls come back to do things together that they both enjoy doing. They’ll do as many things together that start well, go well, and end well as they can in the time they have. As soon as one of them realizes that the activity has stopped being fun for them, that person will politely and graciously end that activity and begin planning a new activity that both will enjoy.